"Insecurity"

The definition of "Insecurity"
lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt; instability; something insecure: too many insecurities of life.

Today, I'm just not perfect in mood and decided to swim hopes it can actually help to give me some thoughts or answer. Tried and expressed my feeling to a friend and I'm glad that he is smart enough to understand my indirect question and given me his kinda philosophy. I would said that I may not agree but that's could be an alternative way for solving too.
We started a big question since month ago when he telling me to give him some spaces and he need to spend some times alone. I did and I do understand with his workloads and pressures he had is absolutely not a simple job but I swear my thinking and feeling doesn't go side track or sensitive with it.

"How can you predict in advance that I will and assuming you are correct with the forecast? I had a feeling of small disappointment on you because you are not quite understand me. Why? Because you always think you are RIGHT. From day ever since you are there I thought we were aiming for the our career and better future. That's why I never think of others until you brought this up.

Asked myself what is the definition of "Insecurities" when the word appeared on the screen. "What does this word mean to me?" "How am I applied this word?"

Answer: "Trust"
As you say:" To build a "Trust" in a relationship is not easy once it accepted and will works well.Once it's broken it can be a memory or scars." I've promised to put more efforts and I did it!

I believe this could be a good topic or challenge for us to moving forward if we can solve the insecurities of our life...Let's move to the Next stage...

25th July of My Life

"Cancerian babe 09~"

Week ago I had my trip to Kuching for World Rainforest's Festival 2009 with friends. Touched down on the eve, 10th. with tiredness but I'm still excited to be wish. Took 1 an half hour flight plus 45 minutes ride on the cab and I'm expecting to see DP. Arrived 5 more mins before midnight and still on his duty, had a beer with friend who accompany me all the way from the west to the east for the party without knowing the big day of mine. While waiting at the lobby we decided to have a pool session and when they are back we just checked in to the room and change our attires.

Heading out again to a friend place for 2nd round but still none of them realized about MY "dob". Anybody else forget I'm sure I'll be pretty fine with it but he shouldn't forgot and still kept partying drinking hanged out with GIRLS and still lean comfortably seeing stars and chatting with a girl. "That's sound good and almost forget me..." Friend are trying to cheer me up and asked for a toast and I whispering to them "Today is my 25th Birthday!" You guys should "down for the beer". They were shock and shout it loud and the "Sotong", jumped off from hammock and ran to me for a hug and apology cause he forgot this.

"Of course I understand he has tonne of duties but when you see his kind of enjoying chatting & drinking, I tell you ... none of the Gf will forgive him".I'm so upset with this, at that moment I'm so regret for my appearance, I should have stay in KL or to HK alone instead of getting the tickets forfeited. Anyhow, I'm still smile at him... I keep telling myself "He is busy, stressed and he should be forgiven"

9 days trip, spent 3 days in the Rainforest's Music Festival most of the time I'm hanging with some friends..CC..ED...KH..

On the Saturday itself I felt a bit slow of the day and nothing much special happened just a birthday toast from the Kuching friends. Had a sweaty day and feeling dizzy and slept earlier when back in hotel. Hence the guys had some men's talk at the pool side.

Sunday, DP & I had been invited for a cruise trip by Bob. Went on board with some friends and to an island so called "Jetski Island". A good experience for this trip, swimming in the sea having jet ski, drinking champagne it's just so enjoyed! Anyhow, some words and question have made me worried & perhaps think too much.

"I don't know how also, sometimes I don't know how and when you were waiting in KL. Perhaps I'm not ready... so How?..."

What's the problem now? I don't understand, just tell! argh...

Throughout the 4-6 days, feeling depressed. What's the matter now, working pressures, stress or commitment phobia or changes happened? Should or shouldn't mention & bring this up for a good chat?All these are the big big question mark!

Most of the activities for this trip are drinking and eating plus working on some email stuffs. Had a chance visited to some new hangout place. Saturday night with the heavy heart, DP decided to have dinner with a bottle of wine after the DVD session. Tried to have a good chat after some wine but questions still a myth...